5 Reasons your should be BEST FRIENDS WITH YOUR BABY DADDY/baby mama.
Co-parenting, or parent best-friendships aren’t exactly easy to maintain, but they are possible. I am the mom of a one-year old who was in a relationship for about 4 years (on and off) my child’s father. I’ve learned a few things about maintaining a growing relationship (as friends) with my child’s father. These are the five reasons to be bestfriends with your baby’s mother/baby daddy. These are my reasons as the mom of a toddler that I’ve picked up so far. Have anything to add in? Let’s talk about more reasons in the comment section.
1. Positivity in the air
Things got so much easier with my BD after we realized we were always superb as friends and terrible in a relationship together.
Being strictly friends with your child’s BM/BD will take away the stress that associates with “beefing.” Man, it takes extra effort to beef with anyone. Now, just imagine the effort it takes to beef with your child’s other parent, especially if they are active in your child’s life.
My intimate relationship with my child’s father was a disaster.
That disaster inevitably affected our home life. My daughter, who was only about 4 months, was also affected. She did not get the best in us because we were not our best together. We are much better individually, now that we are apart. That means the constant fighting doesn’t happen because we don’t see each other 24/7. That means when we are finally around each other, for our child, we have a much better attitude. Which means, even if we did have an argument, we’ve had enough time apart to take a breather. By the next visit, we’d have enough time to think things through. This results in more positive interactions. And yes, you guessed it, it also results in a positive environment for our child. Now this only applies to parents that are co-parenting. The situation is, of course, much different in a husband-wife household or a single parent situation. I am a single mom, which differs from a single parent. We’ll talk about the difference in another blog post.
2. Parenting just got easier
Having someone to call in the drop of a dime and they will be there no matter what, is the definition of best-friendship. If that same person is your baby daddy or baby mama (BD or BM), that makes it 10 times easier to call when your child is sick or you need a sitter.
3. Celebrate together
There is nothing better but to bond with someone over the love of a child. If the other parent loves your child just as much as you, you both will be able to celebrate their life together. From first steps to graduation, your child’s successes are their success as well as your own. It’s great to have someone that matches your feeling of being proud of your kid!
4. Struggle together
Having a child is no easy task. Some days you might not have the energy to be at your best. The other parent understands that. Having someone else to take over when you need it most is amazing. It’s also great to have someone there when life is getting hard or when a part of life is hard. For example: shots. Everyone knows getting shots is just as hard for parents as it is the child. If you don’t have to go through it alone, as the only adult, it makes it much easier. Having your child’s dad/mom there makes it go by much easier. Especially since they share the same love for your child and their feelings match your own. This applies to all of life’s “boo-boos”, scratches, and broken bones. Having a best friend to lean on that truly feels like you; the exact example and emotional healing power of empathy.
5. Co-parenting is the ishhhhhhhh
Your relationship with your child’s parent affects the way they have a relationship with them also. Seeing you naturally get along with the dad or mom will allow them to understand relationships with other genders or adults better. For example, if you are always angry at the dad of your child, your child could possibly associate that anger with all men. They could not. They could be confused about that anger, internalize it, then use other things as an outlet. Children are sponges and learn from adults so interactions will begin to internalize. Teaching them to work on relationships is a huge benefit. Teaching them to love family, when times get hard, is also great.
I have to add, the key to making this work is to be clearly friends. This does not work if you all are “friends with benefits.” Trust me, I know! Intimacy makes everything more complicated. Keeping sex from the parent-relationship will allow both parents to keep a clear mind. Other things to consider are relationships that you or the other parent might have. Keep them separate and leave jealousy, if any, at the door!
Not BFFs with your BD/BM?
Now, I know this doesn’t apply to everyone, but if the situation is a bit less complicated (to say the least), it could work out for the better. If your BD/BM situation is able to be worked on, I would say, put your best foot forward. Start with open dialogue about expectations and needs. Tell your parent-partner what you need from each other, without going over the top. Keep it simple: support with child, daycare relief when needed, etc. Make sure the needs don’t fall into boyfriend and girlfriend categories though. Keep those relationships separate but not secret from your own. Tell your parent-partner where you see you all and how supporting each other would be best for everyone. If it doesn’t got the way you envisioned, just remember, great relationships take time. Take a breather, because you can, and try again. You child will thank you for it!