The Worst Thing to Ever Happen to me in the Strip Club
The worst thing to ever happen to me in the strip club was getting used to performing my job in an alcohol induced state. Being that I started dating at 20 I of course didn’t have much direct access to alcohol. I was never a drinker and at the time could count on one hand the number of times I’ve gotten drunk.
I worked for 3 months before drinking legally in the club until after my 21st birthday. Before this I didn’t need alcohol to do my job. After those 3 months I was past being comfortable to present myself as perky and entertaining to the majority white customers of my 1st strip club.
I learned the job sober and performed sober. According to all of my colleagues I was still in the new girl money phase. This is the phase where the innocence of being a non-experienced dancer is appealing to men which makes it easier for them to want to “help” out or “contribute” to my success as a newbie.
Honestly men loved the innocence chicks that had no idea what they were doing and too shy to be aggressive. But I guess I was coming out fo that phase because all clubs have regulars and once the regulars know you; you are not a newbie anymore.
I didn’t have a problem with alcohol right away however. The first time I used it to purposely enhance my mood was the first time I traveled out-of-state to Kentucky because the season in our town was a little slow. I wanted to experience a new club and possibly run into some “new girl money” once more.
Well unfortunately my first out-of-town experience was a total bust. The club I went to was dead all the way until the end of the night and the girl I traveled with negative attitude didn’t help my vibe to get into the mood to even be perky enough to entertain. I was 21 and when customers FINALLY came in last minute we wasted half the night bored and dragging our feet. I was determined to switch up my mood and make something happen because I didn’t have time to go home empty-handed.
I was offered drinks and I demanded straight shots because time was ticking and my mood was ALREADY DEAD. That alcohol switched my mood from a downer to winner real quick and my tipsy ass made my way around that room with the quickness and I kid you not got the most out of those last 45 mins.
I didn’t make much, but I definitely made a profit. The girl I traveled with was in my car pouting, dressed and ready to go home an hour before with a negative attitude. I know I made way more than her due to my dedication of turning the situation around. I wasn’t playing and those shots helped my mood almost instantaneously to get the money I needed for the time being.
After that situation it was like I stored alcohol to be a quick fix in the back of my mind in case I ever needed it the way I needed it that night. I checked it into my mind as a last resort fix in case my energy doesn’t match the vibe I needed to get the money I wanted.
That was the instant downfall because I began to use alcohol as a clutch to lean on every time I felt discouraged or depressed even outside of the club. With the mental issues I had going on in everyday life, that you guys know I most definitely will have to express in-depth in a much later post ( so be sure to subscribe and look out) alcohol slowly but surely became a need in life and of course in the strip club.
Eventually when I started traveling out state to different clubs I always initially felt out-of-place. I mean it’s a new club, new females, new system, new customers, new city, and new environment and although I
had the confidence to try new things I was always nervous walking into everything new.
I had stored information, however, that said “girl get you a shot, and the money will follow.” Quick Fix! This turned into me not even knowing how to do my job sober.
I abused my addiction to alcohol because It masked more than just the temporary down mood I was in when I needed to be in a perky “Money making mood.” It masked my overall constant battle with depression and prevented me from thinking too deep.
Being as intelligent naturally as I am my thoughts always got the best of me. I knew truths long ago that I never wanted to face so alcohol made them go away. The only time I was ever sober was when I was during the week at whatever 9-5 I had at the moment or when I was caring for my children. Any free time outside of that I was always ready for a drink or two. Always down to go in on a bottle and definitely NEEDED the bottle to dance.
I’ve blacked out drinking on a couple of occasions. I’ve almost wrecked driving drunk. I’ve even got robbed or said things I should have never said while being drunk. Alcohol had me spiraling out of control because I began to not even be happy without it.
I definitely wasn’t drunk everyday I was too busy of a mom and professional worker to do so. But almost every weekend, which is typically when I danced, I couldn’t pace my drinking. I WANTED to be drunk. I would wear a mask all week and needed to unwind and forget all of my worries. It backfired plenty of times and my spirit and God has truly has truly always been by my side because I am favored and blessed.
Too many times I’ve drove drunk without getting pulled over, arrested or crashing. Too many times I would pass out and not end up assaulted or fell victim to a tragic ending. I literally look back and think of what could have happened to me in the many situations I’ve put myself self in and all I can say is that I am blessed and that there is a God that loves me. My spirit was always intentionally leading me out harms way.
I’m literally crying right now because I look back at my past and it seems so surreal. I cherish myself so much now and I can’t believe I had the nerve to not do so before. The reality is I hated myself for many, many reasons and I needed to forget why. I needed to forget my truths because it was far to harsh on my reality.
Learning to love myself and be sober has been such a challenge because I had no choice but to face what I was heavily trying to avoid. I’ve only gotten drunk once within the past 7months and I consider myself going through sobriety.
I wish I would have never became so co-dependent on alcohol because I made a lot of poor decisions while under the influence, but It has been a major eye opener into who I am and why I am how I am.
My alcohol addiction, once dissected and decoded, gave me leave-way into my heart and soul. I now appreciate and love myself more than ever to not put myself into any future harmful situations ever.
The worst thing to ever happen to me in the strip club was the initiation of my love of alcohol. The best thing that ever happened to me in the strip club, however, was the realization that forgetting who I was and what was bothering me was not what I needed as I thought. Learning the real me, after forging together who I thought I could be, was the best thing the strip club could have done for me.